Some days feel like the bad spot

I sometimes feel like I’m too sensitive to have a teenaged daughter.  Those withering stares, closed doors and just the lack of pleasant communication wear me down.  I’m not a religious person in the formal sense, but I guess maybe I’m spiritual, so I think God (or whatever higher power) wouldn’t give me more than I can handle.  And we’re all pretty healthy right?  And, there is no boy drama, no alcohol or drug use, and she gets good grades.  What am I complaining about?

As I’m cleaning the entry of dirt dragged in from the barn, where she has her horse, that she doesn’t pay for…the list can go on.  I wonder if I was put here on this earth to clean up her messes, drive her here or there (with the horse), bring her whatever she forgot.  I wonder if I made the wrong choice by choosing to make my work taking care of my children.  I’m trying so hard to be the mom I didn’t have, just to be the mom that’s there and that cares.  Sometimes it just doesn’t seem to matter to her, and I just feel sad and unhappy and feel like crying when I’m around her.  Once in a while, I just want to feel like my daughter loves me and I’m not just a necessary nuisance to be tolerated.  Maybe I need to take a different perspective and be proud of myself for being more present in her life than my mom was in mine.

I posted these photos on Facebook as just another bit of proof of how proud I am of her.  And then we had a big argument…and then she still likes the post on Facebook.  I guess my bad spot isn’t so bad.  And there’s always tomorrow; you never how the day will roll with a 16-year-old girl.

Dressage at Galway - now

Dressage at Galway – now

Dressage with Gail - then

Dressage with Gail – then

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